Stop dating losers!!!

You don’t have to date people you hate (nor the ones that hate YOU)

You could say we’re living in a time of the resurgence of the boomer “I hate my partner” mentality. Anytime I open TikTok, I see a woman talking about how immature, incompetent and childish her boyfriend (or even husband!!!) is. The story is almost always the same — she posts a TikTok, people acknowledge how weird the partner’s behaviour is, then she responds to some of the critique by saying that “people online have no idea how their relationship actually looks like” before eventually disabling the comments section under the post. It’s true we only see a few minutes of their weekly life, but it’s the few minutes that they themselves chose to show us. It’s their decision to portray their partner in a certain manner. The fact that your husband didn’t feed the kids because you didn’t leave him a note on the table saying the food is in the fridge isn’t cute or silly. It’s something that potentially puts your kids in danger. The fact that you have to remind your boyfriend to eat or shower isn’t exactly a good or funny thing either — you’re his girlfriend, not a mother of a 5-year old. But why, as women, do we keep dating those menchildren?

“If you spend time with losers, you will be a loser yourself. Get away from the losers.”

Having a questionable relationship is one thing, but sharing it on the internet is another. And it’s certainly a choice. While there are cases of abusive relationships (to which this article does not apply), a lot of the times people choose to stay even if they’re being constantly disrespected. But why would you share it with the world? Is it the greed for attention and the need for pity? The lack of support from real life friends, hence the search for validation from strangers online? Maybe both? I don’t know. But you can’t expect your friends to support you in a case like this. In fact, they are most likely sick and tired of hearing about your loser boyfriend every week while you don’t listen to their advice and still stay in that relationship in fear of being alone. I don’t think people who willingly stay in bad relationships should be pitied. They’re doing it to themselves. They’re allowing their partners to mistreat them. They’ve accepted it and will likely cut you off for calling it out before cutting off the partner. There are so many people in relationships out of comfort or commodity. But is it really worth it? Is it worth to lose your time, your self respect, and finally — yourself, just to be able to say you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Because in partnerships like these (I don’t like to call them relationships), there’s no love. Someone who intentionally does things wrong and makes your life harder doesn’t love you. Quite frankly, they might not even like you.

I recently saw a TikTok saying there are two types of women that enter relationships — the one that becomes a girl with a boyfriend and the one that becomes a girlfriend. While initially they might come across as very similar, there is actually a huge difference between them. A girl with a boyfriend is just a girl that happens to be in a relationship. She still has her own hobbies, makes time for her friends and just overall maintains her own personality. A girlfriend, on the other hand, is someone, who loses her entire identity the second she gets a boyfriend. She gives up on her previous interests, ditches her friends to spend time with her boyfriend, and even if she does meet with them, it’s always with the company of the man. Codependency in relationships is a really serious issue, but sadly, I mostly notice it in women. Men, somehow, almost never lose themselves in a relationship — they still go out with their friends, have their passions AND, on top of that, make enough time for their significant other. And that kind of time management is almost admirable, to be honest. I couldn’t tell you how many friendships I have had to end (or at least limit) because a boyfriend appeared. I accepted that for some time, but now I’ve come to the point where I will tell you I don’t want your man to come. Obviously, as adults, we all have our own lives and can’t be available to our friends 24/7. But if we’re friends, especially if we don’t see each other a lot, I think you should take into consideration that I want to meet up and talk with YOU, not you and your partner. Don’t even get me started on telling them everything. A secret your best friend told you should stay between the two of you, not three. And it doesn’t matter you and your boyfriend keep no secrets from each other — it’s not your place to decide whether another person’s secrets should be known to more people or not.

It can be difficult to keep a healthy relationship with both your partner and your friends, especially at the beginning or if it’s your first time. It becomes even harder when they don’t exactly like each other. But that’s where communication comes in — you need to be able to communicate with all of those people and let them understand that your time isn’t exclusive to any of them. At the end of the day it’s your life and no one can tell you how to live it — not your boyfriend, not your friends and certainly not me writing this article. However don’t expect anyone to pity you if you’re the one that keeps putting yourself in those situations.

With love,

Julia